sweetkisses.

2009-11-01T04:20:00.001+08:00

no, i'm no longer loyal to blogger.

FIND ME IF YOU CAN.

2009-10-25T05:49:00.002+08:00

FUCCCCK.

LET ME TURN 18!!!!!!!

I WANNA GO CLUBBINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

today was my almost-virgin-trip to social house. DAMN DAMN DAMN!

2009-10-18T21:24:00.002+08:00

I WANT

BLUSHER (syara kind :D)

SHINEE CDs!

I ALREADY HAVE ROMEO!

I WANT THE REST.

I WANNA GO BACK JAPAN!

arghhh

I TOTALLY HATE MY TIMETABLE!

6PM to 9PM

WHICH SCHOOL HAS CLASSES AT THIS TIMING OTHER THAN DESIGN.

ARGHHHHH SERIOUSLY.

thank you. for hearing my rants.

2009-10-04T01:23:00.004+08:00

'hey baby,

i loved you.'

been a long time since i've said those words.

life is good.

i'm leaving tml for NIPPON!

i'm in love with a singer name Anna Tsuchiya

youtube her please!

i love this korean group name shinee.

yeaaaah i know i'm becoming one of those crazy bitches

aww but how can you not love them

oh yeaah, i'm gonna buy her cds in nippon.

i cant sleep. my body clock is so screwed.

i'm satisfied with what i have now.

my gpa fucking dropped. i need to work harder next sem

and my mom is not happy with it at all.

me being a main comm in tpsu is not an excuse i should be using.

instead i shouldnt use it at all.

OKAYS. i wanna listen to her songs.

hi isaac,

stop stepping in and out of my life as you please.

make up your mind and make a choice.

you either forget those feelings or control them

cause i've long lost those feelings i had for you. and i'm not gonna try to get them back.

if you wanna be friends again i'll gladly open my arms wide and welcome you.

if you're still contemplating then get out.

i dont have time for those fickle minded thoughts of yours.

2009-10-01T03:08:00.002+08:00

"One day you’re going to wake up, and realize that she was the only girl that actually cared and by that time, she probably won’t anymore."

eat that. stupid boys.

2009-09-29T02:28:00.001+08:00

i check tpsu mail more than my own personal mail.

the irony.

2009-09-27T02:58:00.001+08:00

WHEN I FINALLY HAVE THE TIME.

I AM GOING TO LEARN KOREAN.

hopefully.

p2 is over
japan is coming closer.
and i got tpsu stuff inbetween.

good job.
keep it coming.
sooner or later my strings will break.
and i am gonna break down like a sick bitch.

fuck balls.

i dont have a single fucking person to share my happiness nor woes.
i cant confine my thoughts to anybody
and bottling up is not working.
cause its fucking overflowing.

good job.
just keep it coming.

on the other hand

cheerios to mom for vans.

MOM IS THE BEST. EVER

fuck and i am so gonna splurge on her when i'm earning

2009-09-16T22:53:00.001+08:00

PROJECT 2 IS OVER

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!

now i left with project 2 presentation.

and pcomd.

fucccck.

everything ends on friday. like FRIDAY.

omg.

2 more daysss.

THEN HELLO JAPAN!

2009-09-09T00:36:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling jealous.

dont know.

not suppose to.

2009-09-07T00:24:00.004+08:00

when i'm blogging at this timing.
it means i'm sick of doing work.

tml is crit. its accessable.
i'm so dead.
i'm not even done with my work.
i dont even know what to say for tml's presentation.
fuccccck.

i wanna feel young.
i dont wanna think about my future.
i'm not ready to be legal

i'm so tired just being a year2.
i'm so tired of being there and talking to the freshies.
sometimes i really envy their carefree-ness

i dont wanna be the pillar anymore.
i dont wanna be always the one saying that everything is gonna be alright.
i dont wanna take care of myself.

i wanna be in love again. ):
kinda suck when you let these emotions take over.
maybe cause i've bottled them up for way too long.

okay. back to work.

2009-09-05T18:30:00.002+08:00

omg. newest fav song.

Lyrics - For What It's Worth by For this Cycle
its a singaporean band i think.

VERSE 1
I miss you terribly
The distance can't control me
I promise we will pull through
I'm constantly thinking of you
Oh hold your head up girl
And wear a smile for me
It still seems far away
But someday you will see

CHORUS
You know I'm worth waiting for
We've been through so much more
After all
So wipe away those tears
Oh we can conquer our fears
And never fall

VERSE 2
I'm a thousand miles away
But please just hang in there
Some day things will be fine
We'll make up for lost time
Oh close your eyes now girl
Imagine me right there
I'm sitting right beside you
Oh the memories we share

BRIDGE/OUTRO
But they say good things don't last forever
And maybe I'm just scared of love

youtube it people.
this is <3

2009-09-02T16:40:00.003+08:00

omggg you have no clue how happy i am.
the worse is over.

INTERVIEW IS OVERRRRR

went rather well.
YAY

okay time for 3d max. i am so dead for p2. SO DEAD.
i wanna go home and sleep. seriously. 3 days of no sleep is crazy.

and yes. tpsu too.

2009-08-31T00:16:00.001+08:00

i feel so lost and i feel like crying.

nobody told me that i had to juggle this much.

what am i suppose to do now.

how am i suppose to spilt myself into pieces to please everybody.

oh my god.
help me please.

2009-08-30T02:38:00.003+08:00

you have no idea how busy this week is gonna get.
i really hope that i can get through this.

and to the fact that i am so not motivated to do my work.

dammit.

my skin is aching to get hugged.

i seriously need longer posts.
and i need to reflect for my own personal sake.

and i'm becoming like one of those girls that has a fetish for korean boys.
AHHHHHHHH! bernita teo! get a good grip on yourself!

2009-08-26T01:00:00.002+08:00

omggg.

p2 is draining as usual

and now there is another module.

OMG

competition work was HAHAHA EPIC MAN.

B: 'PERSIE! the file is corrupted! no wonder you cant load it online luh!'

P: 'HUH? WHYY CORRUPTED?'

omg damn funny.

it was like 10:45pm in the studio.

the security guard was chasing us out already.

and we were trying to upload our work online.

submission was 25 august. our lecturer told us to submit by 5pm just to play safe.

but we didnt.

we were 6 hours late.

haha but thats not the problem.

THE FILE WAS CORRUPTED.

but in the end. we did the most epic way out.

print screen.

apparently i could open the file with Microsoft office picture manager.

and then just print screen.

we were like screaming like mad

cause if we couldnt upload our work on time.

3 days of slogging will be wasted.

but the end result wasnt that good too luh.

haha!

omg. damn funny.

okay! autocad-ing time!

2009-08-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

i'm very sleepy.

i need wake up pills.

2009-08-24T01:33:00.001+08:00

you know. seriously. fuck love.

i hate it.

2009-08-15T00:49:00.002+08:00

YOG countdown was AWEESOMMME!

fireworks, good music, great company.

what more can you ask for?

2009-08-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

random

if you see iad people stoning and staring at our models.

we're having inspirations. hahahaha!

2009-08-11T00:24:00.002+08:00

bernita teo.

how could you've been so stupid.

how could you've let your guard down.

ARGH.

BUCK UP.

STAY ALERT.

you're fucking single.

and you will stay fucking single.

accept it. love it.

2009-08-10T00:55:00.005+08:00

i got into the van.

and he said: 'wow, so big already'

i turned and smiled half heartedly.

its been close to a year since i've last met him.

as i looked as his appearance.

he had much more white hair since the last time i saw him.

put on some weight.

and he looked so tired from work.

stressed out from work?

no, older.

yes, the years have finally caught up with him.

he is getting old.

but his voice was still the same

still firm and confident

he continued: 'so, what have you been up to? how are you?'

there were so many things running through my head.

'very busy, i'm doing well' i replied.

it felt weird.

to actually think that this person is related to me.

gave life to me

taught me things i've never knew.

'good. good. how? how is your work?' he asked

'its the same. i'm coping well' and i looked away

and i asked myself.

why tonight did he asked if i wanted a ride home.

why of all days did i accepted his ride.

why was i sitting beside a stranger whom i call daddy.

2009-08-05T23:56:00.002+08:00

me and my bro suspects that i got high blood pressure!

cause my heart beat was really fast.

haha

okay random

anyway.

i find myself sub-consciencely doing things to gain attention and affection.

ahhhhhhhhh

gotta do worrrk.

2009-07-29T00:56:00.003+08:00

omgggggg, p2.

i'm so not in the mood to do work now.

p2 leaaaaaaaa NEW BLOCK.

and not forgetting tpsu stuffffs.

blarblehpffffftteeeeewheeemeeelueaaaylaaaaawaaamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

pffffft

at this rate i'm gonna dislike p2.

HEEEEEEEE

eh people give me ideas on professional artist.

is yiruma famous enough?

any dancer to recommend? famous ones pleassseeeeee

okay, i'm doing work!

2009-07-25T02:05:00.003+08:00

just random.

we're all broken people with a strong upfront.

'broken people' you say?

yes;

because we dont think about ourselves, we dont recover properly from the external pressure.

because time is too short.

and because we dont think its important.

we think about others, we think about the school

rather than to put ourselves first.

we tend to put others first.

we want the best for others.

we dont think about the gain that we'll receive.

servant leaders.

yes, we are servant leaders.

no, we dont literally serve.

but we are leaders that dont expect anything in return.

we do this out of our own will

we want to do this.

and we will do it well

best, in our ability.

i'm not just saying this in my school.

rather i'm opening this to all leaders.

if you dont agree with me.

change the 'we' to 'i'

'i' meaning yours truly.

like i said earlier, just random.

2009-07-24T23:15:00.004+08:00

hello people!

its been a long long time since i've last updated me blog.

well here i am! once again!

should change my skin huh.

seriously.

its getting a little dead.

alright

really been busy with school work recently.

and yesterday was submission.

GUESS WHAT.

i was 40mins late for submission.

shit shit shit shit shit!

damn 3d max.

hopefully i can still pass. ):

oooooo!

i watched harry pots.

its quite nice.

but i feel like they focus a little too much on romance.

i mean yeah its interesting and all.

but i'd prefer they focus more on the action.

and i cant believe that dumbledore died just like that!

seriouslyyyy

okay. i wanna go do stuffffs. (:

2009-07-15T02:27:00.006+08:00

two indian men was harassing me on the way back home.

12.15am and i was walking home. was rushing for submission in school

and i decided to take the short cut home.

which was to walk through a semi-dark alley.

after i got off the bus.

an indian man was walking especially close to me shortly after.

he was like saying 'oie! oie! HEYYYY! BABY, HEYYY!'

i was like thinking 'wa fuck, dont tell me you're drunk.'

then he grumbled to himself

and started making sex noises beside me.

i was dead scared but i couldnt walk any faster cause my body was aching from yesterday's touch rug.

i almost cried

i was so fucking scared.

i wanted to just squat down, hands over my head and just cry.

i took out my hp.

called 1st person, never pick up.

2nd person, rejected my call

and to make matters worse.

another indian man was walking closely behind me.

at that point of time i thought i was just gonna get raped and die there.

for a long time, i've never felt so hopeless and helpless.

i'm gonna do my 3d max.

2009-07-06T23:22:00.003+08:00

wouldnt it be nice to have found someone that you love and loves back?

i'm thinking of silly things again.

gotta get even more busy.

but recently.

whenever i see couples, i get a good feeling.

something like 'thank god i'm not attached'

good job bernita, you're getting less dependent.

on the other hand,

why dont you think about yourself rather than commenting on others.

you are no better than that person you've insulted on your lj.

you're not even thinking about other people's feelings.

what makes you think you have the rights to say those words?

rather than assuming things on the surface.

stare back at the mirror and take a good look of yourself and your actions.

since you didnt state who that person was.

i dont see the need to state your name i'm directing at.

fyi, these are my personal view.

2009-07-04T03:12:00.004+08:00

omg. its 3:12am and i just came back from a midnight movie with mom and bro.

TRANSFORMERS WAS AWESOME TO THE MAXXXXXXXXXX.

best movie ever!

highly happening.

highly recommended to watch

which got me thinking.

HOW COME I DIDNT WATCH THE FIRST MOVIE?

i want a bumblebee!

okay. damn tired.

long day tml.

goodnight!

2009-07-01T00:19:00.003+08:00

i hate it when i see something that triggers that series of memories which i buried it so deeply at the corner of my heart.

cause whenever i am reminded of it, its as good as someone has dig out that box and gave it a kick.

it hurts.

2009-06-30T03:38:00.001+08:00

my blog is highly not happening.

but my facebook is!!!!!

whee whee!

many many loads of pictures there! go seeeee :D

TPSU AGM was great.

the start of everything. (:

loves,

i need to sleep.

2009-06-24T00:39:00.002+08:00

omggggggggggg.

i know i know i know i haven been updatingggg.

so sorry folks.

but here i am now!

life has been good. guess thats cause i'm still having hoildays.

but after this week.

AHHHHHHH

doooooom.

been busy with the door gifts for agm.

seriouly...no joke mannn.

i haven been catching enough sleep.

but i like it.

i'm busy. i'm not thinking of anything else.

i like where i am now.

dont wanna give anything a second thought.

dont wanna separate my time to anybody else other than school and tpsu.

i seriously need to catch up with my secondary school mates.

its been 1 year every since i saw them.

and i miss the feeling of bitching, crapping, hot gossips and way much more

and i need to spent some quality time with my mom.

i miss spending time with her.

actually, i'm kinda looking forward to school and stuff.

i really am curious on how i will cope all these commitments.

and how far i'm able to stretch myself.

kinda like surprise yourself to see you doing things that you thought you'll never be able to do.

being an exco.

is different.

i dont know how to describe.

but you seriously gotta be one to understand.

yes, there may be times where you'll need a listening ear.

and you'll just hope that, that person will just sit down, shut up and listen to you.

give constructive comments. and shut up even more to hear you out.

but. what are the odds right?

bernita meeting this kinda person.

one in a million years mannn.

i'll be dead by then.

oh well, we'll see what life has in store for me.

2009-06-17T02:13:00.002+08:00

i really am in need of somebody to really be here for me.

no its not that person most people will think about.

i seriously think thats history.

dont wanna brood over it.

but more like. i'm myself now.

independent, alone, and standing up for myself.

may told me, or somewhere along the lines.

that when i'm in the comm.

there are somethings that you really wanna share with other.

be it happy, sad, or things that just makes you angry.

but you cant share it.

cause its either inappropriate, or they'll just wont understand how you feel.

at that point of time. i just nodded my head and smile.

and that was 2 weeks after being in the comm.

now. 3rd week. or isst 4th? lost count.

i totally understand how she feels.

and i cant help but wonder. why, if you feel this way. why come back to the comm once more?

i guess a blog is where your personal feelings comes in.

i'm aware people will read. and comment, and talk behind my back about it.

but this is really, the only place i can pour out my thoughts to.

isnt it?

simple things like talking on msn.

i used to just type what i feel inside.

now, i find myself pressing the backspace constantly as i try to type a constructive reply.

i dont know where i'm standing now.

i feel fucking lost. and fucking tired.

i just need some sleep and bury myself with work.

yeah right. work when your partner doesnt really seem to be giving you a fair share of whats going on.

gotta work on it.

2009-06-08T05:29:00.004+08:00

i'm blogging at an ungodly hour.
i'm suppose to be sleeping.
but i just cant.

its been happening for quite a few weeks.
these kinda sleepless nights.

omg evan, i'm so sorry about today seriously.
gonna treat you lunch! (:

anyhoww,
i got a project to be completed later on in the day.
and then camp.
and then retreat.
and then apel.

so lets hope i got the energy to go through this.
this jampack week.

after this week would be zetten and reliez night cycling,
then sub comm camp.
whoaa..
now i've realise this is how i'm gonna spent my hoildays.

its like its already pre plan by the events.
not how i would be planning out my hoilday and taking a good break.

but this is what i've chosen.
and so this is what i'll strive.

ohh yeah, found a song to express what i wanna say actually.
but its in jap. (thank god for subtitles)
haha

-i have love you to the point where i cant sleep
its a small love that wont come true

its you, its about you
but i just crawl into my bed

that profile of yours is so bright
i cant reach it at all

i have to forget,
but there is no way i can
its overflowing inside my heart

tell me if there's an end to this unrequited love

i want you to realise this unrequited love
its a love where i cant turn back

2009-06-04T19:58:00.002+08:00

ROSLI!!!!! WHY DIDNT YOU COME TO SCHOOL TODAYY!??!?!

MY DESIGN NEEDS YOUR CONSULTATION!
I NEED YOUR COMMENTS BADLY!
I WANNA START ON MY MODEL!!!

CAUSE I GOT ALOT OF THINGS HELD THROUGHOUT THE WEEKEND!
I GOT ZETTEN CHALET!
I GOT SL CAMP
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

rosli come back.

2009-05-28T00:53:00.001+08:00

i'm gonna break down sooner or later.

seriously.

i really want you by my side.

2009-05-24T23:34:00.004+08:00

its a little late!

but i'm still gonna say my thanks!

so thank you all you lovely people that voted for me!

you're highly appreciated!

yes you are! (:

so three cheers for you guys!

YAY YAY YAYYY!

okay

so i've been reaaaaally busy nowadays.

maybe,

okay no. more like slacking.

but i've been calling people non-stop for like half a day

90 people to call

repeated my information like 90 times

i feel like some broken recorder.

seriously. haha

2009-05-21T02:34:00.002+08:00

i so sorrrrrry.

i haven been blogging.

i've been slacking.

i'm so worried.

i'm terrible.

i dont know what to do anymore.

this block is killing my body clock.

i should seriously try to not sleep for one night. and whine it back.

i sleep through the morning and afternoon. and work from late afternoon till the wee hours.

seriously. fucked up.

there are so many things happening now.

and i'm not doing a good job out of it.

i'm so lost you know.

its the first time i'm handling this kind of thing.

i really thought i could handle it. and make it better.

but i've realise all i did was just sit there and stare.

hoping something would change.

i've been procastinating like crazy.

and its horrible.

whats wrong with me?

maybe i'm thinking too much.

maybe i should just give up.

stay quiet and shut up.

but i've made a promise.

or something like that.

okay. i'll do whatever i can.

small gestures this time.

no more big outings.

small ones.

i'll do clique outings.

small dinners.

i really cant take it.

i feel helpless looking at people changing and i cant do anything about it.

or wanting to improve the bonding and seeing that you're the only one trying and the rest are not trying.

okay bernita. stop procastinating.

DO IT. HAVE ACTIONS.

argh.

i need a bloody motivator.

2009-05-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

bernita fell down again.

during holqa night cycling.

bernita has been bleeding non stop for one day.

bernita is watching teevee.

bernita cant move her toes properly.

bernita is limping.

i'm getting dizzy.

should stop.

2009-05-14T05:20:00.007+08:00

i am like finally done with posters. FINALLY.

you cannot imagine the editing.

omg and friends.

let me name you please.

PERSIE

ERIC SIM

UBIN

SABIQUE

you guys are the best.

thank you for doing the posters.

I'LL FINALLY POST IT UP!!!
YES!

its in order, the names and their works.

YAYYYY!

VOTE FOR BERNITA TEO FOR TPSU MAIN COMM! @ CYBER CENTRE FROM THE 19th till 21st MAY! HURRRRRRRRY!!!! :D

2009-05-11T23:04:00.003+08:00

if it wasnt for you,
i think i'll be crying myself to sleep everynight.

so thank you E. (:

for being there
for being retarded
for those random cheers
for you being you.

you're greatly appreciated,
you're greatly treasured,
and most importantly,
you're greatly loved by yours truly. (:

OH OHOH! and abit anit climax
but HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR GRACE PHUA!
YOU ARE LIKE HIGHLY LOVED! (:

2009-05-10T04:06:00.002+08:00

i didnt really get to talk to you for one whole day,

it feels empty.

but i guess its best for the both of us; for now.

2009-05-08T00:16:00.002+08:00

i was really reluctant to give it back.

cause i guess it was the last time that i could see you.

i didnt want to meet you.

i didnt want all the memories to flow back.

but i did.

and i never realise how much i've missed you.

i guess for now. all i want is just to be able to befriend with you again.

doubt thats gonna happen.

you're gonna get busy. and so am i.

you're never gonna visit my blog.

and i doubt i will too.

you'll never read this post about you.

and you never typed any about me.

why?

why cant i love you.

why cant we just give it a try.

why must things end up this way.

i really wanna forget you.

i really want to.

2009-05-06T02:42:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i've last blogged.

and i was thinking of maybe making this a little bit more private.

what am i doing at this ungodly hour?

me and mtv.

facebooking

and now blogging.

so what should i blog about this time?

my reflections?

what i've been up to?

emo stuff?

or just how my day went?

okay i have no idea.

i'll just blog random stuff.

so if you dont understand.

dont worry, you're on the right track.

school has been really slack.

very slack actually. and now that the group assignment is out.

i'm not really very enthu about it.

which is highly very bad.

i should seriously start to work hard.

i feel like my friends been stolen away.

by elections

by locations

by other friends

or maybe i haven been looking for them.

i've realised a very small part of me wants to be loved.

wants to lean on a shoulder.

wants to be hugged.

wants to be that someone special.

but oh well. i've never really gave much attention to that portion until recently.

and i shouldnt. its bad. and its time consuming.

i'm a paranoid girl.

i'm doing injustice to my body by sleeping at weird timings and not eating regularly.

but thats normal to me.

i dont mind.

okay fine, i know its killing me physically

cant help it.

i cant stand stupid fake smiles everywhere.

the people is there. the smiles looks so fake.

the feeling is gone.

the love is no longer lingering around.

everyone is there for a motive.

everyone is making friends with different people to their advantage.

fuck it. i hate it.

then again. maybe its just me.

i'm being paranoid again.

i dont know.

what is wrong with me seriously?

i hear thunder.

yay. (:

rain please. the weather is funny.

i should sleep soon.

hurry rain.

2009-04-29T23:24:00.003+08:00

as i was about to reach and grab the cup.

it slipped. and i guess i let it fall from my hands.

water spilled.

me and mom just stone there for 5 secs.

mom: go and sleep please, you're that tired.

me: ohhhhhh...

mom: yes, please get some sleep.

and i thought mom was gonna nag at me and stuff.

ANYHOW.

new mac is here.

ITS AWESOME I TELL YOU.

SIMPLY FRGGING COOL.

no wonder my brother was jealous.

hahahhaha!

apparently during the shipping from Shanghai to Singapore,

some guy stepped on my package. and the cardboard had a distinct tear from the top.

ouch. i know.

but thankfully, the mac box was just a little dented.

and my bro checked through the mac. its good.

but still he is gonna complain to the company. and demand a macbook pro at 3k.

crazy.

oh yeah.

about the shipping. (you must be wondering)

its custom made.

cause my ram or whatsoever is upgraded.

i paid a frigging 65bucks more for the upgrade.

and. i asked my mom for two names.

one for mac and the other for acer.

so she said. ' i ran into two dogs today, one name coffee, and...'

bro: tea?

mom: nope! its cherry!

me: hahahahhahahahahha! okay! mac is coffee, acer is cherry!

that was cute.

lol.

okay back to work.

2009-04-28T18:11:00.002+08:00

ENVIRONMENTAL TECH. IS NO JOKE! ):

okay bye. do work.

2009-04-25T22:26:00.003+08:00

HELLLLLLLLLLLLO.

sentosa was gooooooooooood.

i just wanna make someone sour. (:

HAHAHHA SO FUN!

2009-04-24T12:09:00.002+08:00

something interesting happened yesterday.

i fell into a drain.
and bleed.

and no, i'm not a bimbo.
i just didnt see that hole at the drain there and my whole leg went in.

well done bernita. (:

2009-04-23T02:06:00.005+08:00

maybe blogging will do me some good.

i'm lost, insecure, afraid, freaking out.

alot of negative thoughts are lingering around my head.

i dont know why.

and i'm not in a good position in handling it now.

i dont know if i should blog it out.

but this place really seem the best place where strangers will pass and hopefully, catch a glimsp of my life.

i'm not coping well with the new sem.

post fo and doc is kicking in.

i miss my friends. i miss my freshies, i miss programme.

i want everything to come back.

i wanna do so much better in these events again.

somehow, i'm feeling regretful.

i dont know why. its like i've realised i didnt eventually put in my 100percent and now i'm regretting it.

why?

why do i feel this way?

even though this block is from 3pm to 6pm. that definately does not give me a reason to slack and be merry.

instead i should be working harder.

my gpa sucks.

and i wanna make mama proud.

but how? when i'm freaking out over the slightest things?

why isnt my brain generating ideas like it used to?

why am i not satisfied with myself?

i'm worried about laptop too.

sounds stupid right?

i dont know why.

its like without good softwares, its like the end product of your work might not turn out well.

its so fucking competitive. i thought i'm used to it. but i guess i'm not accepting it yet.

i need someone to hear me out.

i need someone to be there and tell me everything is gonna be okay.

its gonna pass, and its gonna get better.

but, think about it. who will bother?

everyone is just as excited about the new up coming activites that no one really care about their friends.

all they care is doing well for themselves.

freshies are worried about first impressions.

the people they meet. and the friends they make. to spent their next three years with them.

people running for main comm is worried about the over run.

and you can really feel the tension between each other.

even though we're all smiles.

but inside we're already plotting, creating allies and trying to out do each other.

why?

just cause its an over run this year?

or isst really cause you wanna help SU be a better place?

most year 3s are away on SIP or about to do their SIP. i'm not ready. i'm not ready to accept the fact of they're absence in school.

and then the question everyone been asking.

'so are you gonna run for su?'

everytime a person asks me that.

everything flows back.

all the memories. all the competition. all my friends. all the politics.

and all i can do is just smile and say

'i'm still considering.'

i guess, i need someone to tell me that i can do it.

someone that means alot to me.

someone i can trust and lean on.

someone experienced enough to tell me everything will be just fine.

wheres that someone?

i need to get a good grip of myself.

i need cup noodles.

i need to get fat and isolate myself.

2009-04-18T18:24:00.003+08:00

i'm finally back from a one week camp.
oh boy. what a camp it was.

and what an emotional break this was.

school's starting on monday.
and seriously, i am so not looking towards it.
i'm thinking. alot.
about everything. about the concequences. about me and my friends.

DOC was the BOMB MANNN!
i enjoyed myself like crazy.
i love programe! JENG JENG JENG! (:

the best bunch of people that i've met.
such nice and sweet people.
i seriously cant see myself without you guys already.

so let me say this on a personal level.
for each and everyone of you guys. (:
starting from the head. (:

NIC!
eh, seriously lo, i where got keep asking hugs everytime? i just have this thinking that hugs really goes out a long way. seeing those who are down and stuff, a hug really can cheer one up. and its also really encouraging for me. i mean receiving hugs are really very heart warming. be more confident nic! it was fun working with you. (:

BETTY!
you're the sweetest girl i've ever come across, you're like the welfare mama. always there for us and making sure we're all alright.
i'll see you around school! (:

KEZIA!
you're another mama! but the louder one. and always freaking out when things are not going well and proper. damn funny to see you freak out. and when everything is back to normal you're all smiles again. its a pleasure working with you. and thank you for not scolding us even though you really wanted to! i really admire your patience towards us. (:

AMANDA!
hey darling! i really had so much fun being with you and working with you. i'm so sorry that most of the time you was doing all the admin stuff, the smses and all. really thank you so much. cause most of the time i was the slacker hahahha. (: but nonetheless, you're a great partner to have. and i'm gonna miss those times where we work together. see you around school dearie! (:

BENJAMIN!
you're just so cute seriously! you're like super blur and damn funny. it was awesome to have you in programme. (:

BENNY!
thank you man! for all the prog identity and stuff. i'm so sorry about your overseas trip getting cancled. but because of that you were able to join us! your laughter was simply so funny and contagious. seriously, i'm gonna miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but oh well! we're still gonna see each other in school! (:

CALINE!
i seriously admire you alot! you're really systematic when it comes to explanation. and yyeaahh! you're like damn responsible. although you freak out just like kezzie, but still you're awesome!
i wanna work with you moreee! :D'

CARMELLE!
you're like this ball of never ending energy. damn cute luh! hahaa and i still cant believe you're older than me! i love you many many! (:

CHERYL!
you're seriously different from what i expected to be. from being such a quiet girl in the first few prog meetings. till the time i saw you opening out during the sentosa station games. you're such a lovely girl to hang out with. MORE OUTINGS! :D

FADZILLA!
you're always smiling, you're always so cute! even if you're angry you put it in a way that you're not. such a joy to have you in prog and as my senior. (:

FARHAN!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. i'll see you in lounge and school and more working together. (: thank you for being in prog and making things so lively. (: my role model! (:

GABRIEL!
SO MANNN! (: hahahha damn tall guy! i like your company. its really nice to have you in prog. and you're damn blurrr! next time i take your order, i'm really gonna buy food for you! hahahha

HAZZIQ!
without you! there will be no JENG JENG JENG! without you the mass game video wouldnt be a success and a funny one in fact. from a quiet guy in the first few meetings. to someone filled with energy and always smiling. seriously thank you hazziq for being in prog. (:

JEREMY FU!
YOU'RE LIKE THE DADDY! (: i love you alot! seriously! an inspiring role model that i look up to. thank you for being in prog. thank you for your wise advices, thank you for you! (: i'm gonna miss you. and i really cried for you just cause you're leaving school. come back to visit please! i cant believe i just got to know what a great person you are and you're already leaving school. ):

JEREMY TAN!
thank you for the swords! thank you for your laughter! thank you for making to effort to check and visit us! such a pity that you couldnt join us. but fret not! you'll always be part of prog. (:

JIA XUAN!
omg i cant believe that you're my senior. such a privilege. (: i'll see you in studio! love you many many! :D

JOEY!
hahahaha. you're randomly funny. damn good ghost! scare the living crap out of the freshies. damn funny. (: see you in studio! (:

LEONARD!
omg you're a damn nice guy! thank you so much for accompanying me to buy bread for prog. and introduce me to the mee gorang noodle. its damn good okay! i'm like gonna spam my house with that cup noodle. hahahhaa (:

MAG!
thank you for the prog identity! you're damn hip yo! i love your hair! (: its damn cool! thank you for being in prog! and its a joy to have you in prog. (:

YUSIN!
(: you're a damn cute girl! and you get high at random times. damn funny. (: such great company in prog. (: i'll see you around school! (:

SABIQUE!
you're interestingly, monotonely, randomly, think-alot funny person. hahaha (:

SHERWIN!
YEAHHH! i love your nobody but chuu dance! WHOOOO! (: i love you ipod. has all the cool korean songs, wheee!

STEPH!
omg! i love your piercing at the back of your neck. and now i'm like considering if i should get a tatto there or go with the piercing. damnnnn! you're such a lovely girl! (: i'll see you around in school !(:

SYAZ!
bite size! (: and you're my senior! damn cute luh, always smiling. its great to have you in prog!

SARAH!
what a great EMCEE you are! (: it was fun seeing you and wesley working together on stage. seriously damn funny how the two of you were comunicating (:

UBIN!
HAHAHAH my boyfriend! (: it was so fun dancing with you on stage. thank you for being there for me to hear my rants. seriously! we need more time together and hang out! (:

WESLEY!
its a joy to have you as my friend and in prog. seriously you're a damn cool person and a awesome ghost! scare the shit out of people, made 7 girls cry and sent one home. CLASSIC MANNN!!! hhahaha! (: i cant believe you're leaving school! DONT GOOOO! ): i'm gonna miss you like hell

PERSIE!
I'LL SEE YOU IN LOUNGE, SCHOOL, STUDIO, AND CLASSS! LOVE YOU MANY MANY! (:

what a long post.

WE TOTALLY ROCK NIGHTWALK MANNNNNNNN! THE FRESHIES ARE DAMN FUNNY! you should see their faces. damn classic.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
cant wait for the next batch.

(:

PROUD TO BE IN PROGRAMME! JENG JENG JENG!!!! (:

2009-04-12T21:45:00.002+08:00

tml will be day 0 for doc.
honestly speaking i'm really tired. from all the outings the conversations.

mentally wise.
i'm lost, afraid, and just dont know what to do now.
i want someone to be there but at the same time i'm afraid to give my heart away.
been hurt so many times.
and i'm trying to use a new love to mend the old one.
its not working well.

i really wish to just find someone new and just pour all my worries to that person.
mend all my broken friendships. and start anew.
no more cold shoulders no more slient stares.

its better that way yes?
to know that we're all still on good terms and we're willing to be good friends again.

but some say, once lost, its difficult to get it back.

i'm looking forward to doc though.
all the new freshies that i'll meet and make good friends.
its good.

so tell me. what should i do?

2009-04-10T15:02:00.003+08:00

'we're meant to lose people we love, how else would we know how important they are to us?'

this got me thinking.

2009-04-10T01:30:00.001+08:00

SMSB! CONGRATULATION ON GETTING GOLD FOR SYF.

YOU'RE A PROUD ACHIVEMENT IN ST MARGARETS!

i love you guys!

WELL DONE! (:

2009-04-09T19:12:00.003+08:00

i'm back from FOC.
it was definately THE BLAST of my lifetime.

the freshies were great, best, awesome!

if you were to ask me which bunch of freshies was better between fow and foc.
i would seriously say both.
i cant compare.
and i dont know how to.
they're the best in their own special way.
and i love all of them.

Grace Goh, thank you so much for that lovely cross necklace.
it was exactly what i wanted. for a long time.
you're the best.
and you're love by me very very much.
i couldnt asked for more.
just you being my freshie, it was more than enough. (:

thanks love.

this saturday.
i cant wait to meet them again.

so FO is over.
these past 6 days has seriously been the time of my life.
getting to know so many freshies and remembering their names was a huge challenge to me.
hahaha considering the fact that i got stm.
and remembering names to faces hasnt really been one of my forte.

but nonetheless, i did seriously tried my best.
hahaaha.

(:

pictures will be up soon! i hope!
many many pics.

the last day of FOC was such a emotional day.

i got back my GPA, it was the year 3's last FO. and i was crying for my freshies and that Zetten had clinch the best empire award.

i was crying like crazy.
so much emotions in me, all intertwine together.
that i didnt know what to do but just cry.

when i received my GPA. i was just so shocked.
i knew that it was going to drop.
but i just couldnt accept it until i saw my gpa in melvin's iphone.
i cried.
like hell badly.
3.36 to 3.13.
a difference of 0.23
that is enough to make me cry like mad.
the sleepless nights.
the days in studio.
the snacking just to keep myself awake.
and the fats accumlated. omg.

everyone that saw me crying immidately went up to me and hugged me not to cry and asked me what happened.
i couldnt tell them.
not in front of the freshies.
but i couldnt thank them enough.
if it wasnt for the hugs.
i think i'll cry alone for as long as my body could take it.
cause the tears just kept coming down.
and my body was already at its limit.

i practically slog for 6 months. and this is the result that is presented to me.
i couldnt accept it.
i couldnt bring myself to.

and during that point of time.
the year 2s was showing a vid to the year 3s as a tribute for their last FO.
and everyone thought that i was crying cause of that.
i was.
i mean i was crying for the year 3s as well.
i'm gonna miss them hell loads.

and then there was my freshies.
the past 3 days that i've bonded with them.
i know there will be outings and all.
but to the fact that will everyone make the effort to come?
i wont see all of them as a whole again.
this was the one and only chance that i had.
i'm gonna miss them.
i'm gonna miss the whole of zetten.

i cried so hard.
so badly.
so many emotions was flowing through me.
and i couldnt stop.
i just could not help myself.

when the tribute was over, it was time to announce the best empire award.
YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW SCARED I WAS.
i wanted zetten to get 1st.
not because of the hard work me and the other gls had put in.
but it was for the freshies, for the year 3s.
i wanted this to be the best FO for them.
a memorable one that they'll never forget.
i wanted them to remember zetten.

we did it.
zetten was awarded the 1st place.

i cried immidately.
all over again.
for everything.
for everyone.
for myself.

thank you Zetten.
for making this the first and best FO ever.

2009-04-05T23:59:00.002+08:00

i am fucking, very pissed.

need a fucking shoulder.
and a fucking ear.

2009-04-05T21:38:00.005+08:00

i'm back from CAMPPPP

fow rocks socks mannn

experienced a hell load of stuff.

made new friends.

bonded with my fellow gls.

its good.

all is well.

and i cant wait for foc.

for the new freshies.

there will be so much more laughter, cheers, songs

and just enjoying each other's company.

I LOVE MY ZETTEN FRESHIES!!!!!!!! to the core X 219380921830938509218312

YEAHHHHHHH!

2009-04-01T02:08:00.001+08:00

i yearn, to fall in love.

all over again.

2009-03-28T00:56:00.002+08:00

i just finish packing my bag.
and 3 days later i'll be back. (:

its good.
project 1 and adt is finally overrrr! (:
camps are here.
i need my rest.

my eyebags are not dark.
its black.
literally.
i look horrible.
i feel so fat from the 2mths of snacks.
its bloody insane

wish me luck.

i'm not giving myself my own personal time.
instead i'm running away by keeping myself busy.
cause i know my heart feels empty and i dont like thinking about it.
and i'm trying my best to turn it rock hard
its the best way out.

no one will go in.
this time, no one will.

i dont wanna be a weakling that i used to be.

2009-03-26T01:16:00.004+08:00

i'm gonna use terrible words.

its been one hell of a day.
choing like crazy.
cant remember if i've eaten.
tonight will be the LAST FUCKING NIGHT THAT I WILL CHOING MY ASS OFF.

omg. please hurry, end my misery.

i'm like dying.
my eyes are so painful you dont even wanna stare at them.

my com is being so loyal and supportive for not crashing. (cause its been hell in studio with all the crashing of coms here and there)

my back aches.
my eyelids are heavy.
every inch of my body is screaming at me for not sleeping.
my brain is like over worked to the max that it doesnt know when to stop.

wow.

this is what happens when you choing for 2mths.
and not sleep for 1 week.
this is seriously. a i-dont-wanna-experience-it-again experience.

nightwalk was okay.
i only enjoyed the make up part.
haha

after that choing through the night, but most of the time i fell asleep. wake up for a while to do work and fall back to sleep again.

8.15am went back to design school to continue work.
and omg. i had no idea i was this tired.

from 8.15 to 12 i literially zonk out.
i was like stretching myself, slapping my face. listening to songs, and trying my best to stay awake.
i ate snacks at 10am in the morning. (can you even imagine how fattening that is...)
i keep looking for people to talk on msn to keep me awake.

all in the name of colouring.
colouring my perspectives.
wthhhhhh.

and in the end. i just zonk out.
i was literally holding my colour pencil and i fell asleep with my forehead supporting my head and is on my work.
that position!
OMG. how did i ever sleep in that position?!?!?!
it happened for a few times. before i finally got up and said out loud. 'i'm going to the bloody cheers, anybody?'

yay, shalyn went with me.

i bought ice cream.
and then went back to choing and continued snacking and slapping my face.

retarded morning.....

anyhow,
P1 is in the process of printing.
i'll collect it tml morning. and then presentation.
for now, need to do architectural design theory(adt)
seriously luh.
i dont even know i can finish.
1 week of research and work all into one night.
even if you're a robort i doubt you can finish.

i dont wanna fail.
i just wanna pass.

wake up bernita. this is design. this is what you've chosen.
i seriously didnt regret.
its fun. yeah.
but its really draining.

i cant wait for the freshies to come in.
see how they're gonna suffer. hurr.

okay. hello adt.
this is the last night.
and then.

the dinner and dance, the outings, the camps.
omg..... i need to buy some time for myself and my body to rest.

go design people, last lap for this sem.

2009-03-23T12:48:00.003+08:00

hello.

i'm barely surviving.

2009-03-20T20:34:00.003+08:00

NOTE TO SELF.

MODEL (PAY ATTENTION TO THE MIDDLE SECTION)

- flooring - gravel
- planes - glass
- beams - light wood

DRAWINGS

-perspectives - view of the viewer
- showing of the rhydm
(both manual rendering, scan on monday)

-axo - showing material, colour scheme and cafe, furniture
(photoshop)

TODAY:
finish up axo
start of adt research

SATURDAY:
`remember to bring processes
morning go printing shop and print plan and a3 perspectives (colour)
go to school first thing is to trace perspectives and scan in processes
start on model

at night, do adt research

SUNDAY:
concentrate on render and axo(photoshop)(MUST FINISH!)
storyboard(at least 3/4 done)

MONDAY:
continue doing model, (MUST FINISH)
at night do adt research

TUESDAY:
morning do storyboard (finish it up)
after night walk continue adt till morning

WEDNESDAY:
print storyboard
do preparation on presetation
concentrate on adt(FINISH UP AND PRINT)

THURSDAY: DINNER AND DANCE
PROJECT 1 SUBMISSION
then presentation
ADT SUBMISSION - 10am (submit before presentation)

FRIDAY: POT LUCK @ GERALDINE'S
PROJECT 1 PRESENTATION.

SATURDAY:
DOTC 2

SUNDAY:
DOTC 2

MONDAY:
DOTC 2

TUESDAY:
BERNITA TEO. PLEASE REST YOUR SOUL AND BODY.

okay. goodluck to all.
i can do this..

no, i MUST do this.

choing work.

2009-03-19T01:19:00.004+08:00

i'm insane. i'm down right insane!
3 hours of sleep. so far. since 2 weeks ago.
i'm practically sleeping everywhere. grabbing every single second i can ever afford to lose.
i sleep on the bus, in the studio, while doing work. while eating.
you name it, and you can see my eyes half closed.

i'm a zombie. its offical.

blogger robs my time away.
trust me.

i should seriously ban myself from visiting this site.

and i've been blogging almost every other single day.
cause i cant stand the thought of doing drawings and autocad every single min.
sucks big time.

studio is no longer productive to me. i sleep there.
home is distracting. with the bed and teevee.

i need coffee i need chicken essense.
does anyone know how to keep yourself awake?
cause i've tried every single method.
and coffee is dying out on me.

even if you pinch me until the blue black appears.
i'll be sound asleep.

i'm that tired...

2009-03-18T00:20:00.003+08:00

neglecting friends and outings for P1.
am i doing the right thing?

feeling so guilty.

2009-03-15T09:01:00.002+08:00

i finish my work! YAYYYYY! FINALLLLLY!
for the first time.
i finished my work like 1 day before presentation.
ONE LONG LONG DAY!
MUHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA

lets have some internet fun!
lol

some personaility thingy.
all of them are from here - http://www.quizbox.com

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

its so trueeeee.

NEXT!

Whats on your mind :
You'll drop everything to be with the partner of your dreams, and you'll give their sentimental presents rather than expensive ones. Nevertheless, your spontaneous nature does have a limit, and when the romance is over, you'll head back to work to pick up the pieces.

NEXT!

The clothes you wear:

What others see from your style
Although to the untrained eye you may seem like a plain dresser who avoids trends, you actually wear carefully designed accessories and clothes that emphasize your uniqueness. You value your freedom and have an artistic mind. You are neither aggressive nor timid, but you believe in yourself.

What your nightclothes reveal
You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties
You are kind and friendly. You are an uncomplicated person and enjoy exciting activities.
What others see from your beltsYou are a lonely and demanding person. You are hardworking as well as intelligent, and can be passionate when in love.

What others see from your shoes
You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.

What others see from your earrings
You are attractive and unique. Wearing these sorts of earrings indicates that you are a romantic and easygoing person. You like to have people pleasing you, and your personality is bright and cheerful.

The last analysis
You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

NEXT!
omg. i doubt anybody is gonna read this post.
HECK. I LIKE!

[Part 1] Self Confidence: 67% -> You're confident.
[Part 2] Sensory Perceptions: 73% -> Sensitive to stimulation around you.
[Part 3] Body Language: 73% -> Quite good at utilizing on occasions.
[Part 4] Conversational Skills: 93% -> A real talent!
[Part 5] Empathy For Others: 80% -> An extremely kind and warm person.

You are a typical girl, like the majority.

baskettt.. i'm a typical girl....

NEXT!

okay no more...
i'm tired.

2009-03-14T18:02:00.001+08:00

feverish.
yep, body is giving way.

faith is fading.
feeling regretful.
sometimes i hate myself for being so weak.

okay. time for work.

2009-03-12T03:12:00.009+08:00

okay

some shitty stuff
its personal.
its onesided.

for once and the last time. listen to what i have to say.

i cared for you.
i want whats best for you.
why?
because i'm your friend.
i treasure our friendship. (well i used too anyway)
i want you to change for the better.
if not i wont even bother telling you.
and let you carry on your mistakes.

for a long time i wanted to grap you by the collar and just shout at you.
just tell you to give me some time.
let me have your attention.
let me have my say. and the justice that i deserve.

but i couldnt bring myself to.
cause i was living in self denial.
i didnt wanna listen to the truth.
even though i knew the outcome.
i didnt wanna accept it.
until..., until i hear it from you.

but now.
since i have.
i dont feel much.
but at that point of time. i was heart broken, pissed and so sad.
i didnt know how to bring it across.
i didnt know how to let you know.
what should i do to make you see of what i see.

i know i'm in no position to say all these.
and you'll probably just brush it off and forget about it like how you did in msn.
but what the heck.
its up to you to accept it.
and change.
you're mature enough to know whats best for you.

what i've said to you. its not just for myself.
its for you.
its for the girls that felt the same way as i did.

i felt that there was a need to stand up for them.
they didnt tell me that was a huge thing
but to the extent that they told me about it and asking me to snap out of it.
that enough.
i dont care if others think i being nosy by doing this.
but i just felt a need to.

nobody told you about this sub conscience action.
cause nobody saw a need to.
cause you're too nice by nature.
and it was that that balanced it up.
that they thought. it wasnt a huge thing to really think about.

but have you considered they're feelings?
the hopes that you gave them.
the way you made it seem they're everything to you.

so what if you had feelings for me in the beginning.
you never showed it.
you never treasure it.
you never wanted to open up.
and you know it yourself that you were never ready to commit.
even if you learnt about it later. you just ran away.
you just kept yourself really busy and not think about it.
did your feelings really fade?
or did you dig a hole and bury it so deep that you didnt even know?

i hope i hit that raw spot of yours.
cause i'm so sick and tired of this.
i dont even know why i'm even bothering.
you're not worth it.
you were never worth my time.
let alone this friendship we have.

you're not even showing that you cherish our friendship.
or maybe you never did.
at this rate.
you're gonna lose alot of potential friends.

you've lost me.
and i really dont see a point in salvaging this friendship.

you're being so stubborn by your replies.
and you just ran away by making up an excused that you were tired and sick.
so what?
cant you just face the music and accept it?
i'm tired. and i'm sick too.
my body is gonna give up on me sooner or later.
i dont see the point of complaining indirectly.

what makes you think that you can just brush this off?
what made you think you were the only one so stressed and busy at that period of time that you didnt have time to care for your friends?
you keep everything to yourself.
and not many can see the real you.
you dislike people pitying you.
you dislike people giving you false hope.
or maybe this is what i presume from your actions.

why not take a step.
step out of your confort zone.
be daring for once.
and believe in yourself.
you're much more than what you think you are.

this is the last time i'm gonna care.
based on the memories we had.
from the first day when i started to notice you.

do you remember
i was sick and feeling cold in lounge. and i told you. and i didnt expect anything in return.
and you came in.
plonk two bottles of herbal drink infront of me.
strapsils, vitimin C tablets and whatnot.

remember the time where we sat the same bus home.
and you sneakily creep up to my fingers and slowly held my hand.

remember that time we stayed over at macs. and that was the first time i saw you wearing your spects. and i thought you looked so studious and cute.
we did our work there. and in the middle of the night we went out to the atm walking side by side and holding each other's waist to feel each other's body heat and keep ourselves warm.

these are the memories i depended on. and these are what made me fall for you.
so many more memories i've shared with you.

but now its gone.
and its over.

2009-03-12T02:41:00.002+08:00

holy smokes. where to start?

okay!.
i didnt go school today. cause i felt sick.
suppose to go out with shawn low and some compay.
but it in the it ended up with just me, shawn and wan.

these two boys really can perk me day up. (:

alright.
went to docs with shawn.
and i was like asking him what shitty excuse i should use.
in the end i told the doc i felt really dizzy in the morning and headache.
and in return doc ended up telling me that i should get a good rest, eat well and eat more vitamins.
hahha. okay. even doc knows i'm not treating my body with justice. and that the dizzy spell is one of the many symtons that is showing.
eh, mind you. i did have that for a few mornings already okay. SO ITS TRUEEEE!

but who cares.

okay. after docs. met wan at bugis station and we went to haji lanneeee!
and FINALLY. i saw the ohsofickle store.
its.... EMPTY.
okay. not empty.
but there was so little apprals...
no fun.
thennnn. we decided to head off the peni.
walked around there.
talked loads of crap.
enjoyed myself like mad.
wanted to buy a bag pack. but i didnt in the end.
shawn went for a shopping spree seriously.
his cash like free.
hahahhaa.

THENNN!.
we headed off to far east to see more bag packs.
talked more crap.
and i dont know. its these kinda pointless outings that perks me day up.

after that. sent wan off for his empire dinner.
and he told us that he'll be back after dinner.
so we just continued walking. and talking. and looking for the bag pack.
seriously. i cant find it. ):

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
shawn knows how it looks like though.

okayyy!
moving on.

went to ps later to walk around more and met up with wan again.
and we sat infront of cathy and just talk again.
seriously this outing was like alot of heart to heart talk.
it was like already 10 plus.

and suddenly either one of them ask me 'you eat already?'
me: 'huh eat? eh. did i eat today?'
wan: 'omg b! did you eat today!?'
me: 'i cant really remember. shawn did we eat today?'
shawn: 'no we didnt. i thought you ate in the morning?'
me: 'eh. let me think. i think i did.. i dont know.........'

slience.

me: 'OMG. I DIDNT EAT THE WHOLE DAY TODAY!!!'
i was really excited about it. hahahah apparently its quite dumb to be.
wan: 'omg, you dont even remember if you didnt eat today. then lets go eat!'
me: 'shawn did you eat today?' okay obviously i wasnt really listening to wan. hahah.
shawn: 'nope, but i'm going home to eat.'
me: 'no wonder you're so skinny' and i grapped his arm.

hahaha. anyhow we went back to ps to eat macs.
i bought like quite alot. and i just munch my way through.
i didnt feel hungry until i swollow the food.
then i said: 'omg, i'm hungry.'

hahaha.
i swear the both of them was just giving me that are-you-okay look.

alright.
more heart to heart talk. and we headed home after that.

yeppppppppppppppppppppppppp.

(:

okay! i better go choing work. (:

2009-03-09T01:59:00.003+08:00

whats becoming of us?

no. its not the usual one whereby its 2 people bla bla.

i'm refering to my friends.

us. friends.
we're all so busy.
we're all playing so hard.
we barely have time for each other.
i miss those days.
and i want them back.

sometimes i just hate fo.
not that i dont like my empire of other empires.
i do love them.
very very very much.

but i just feel so catogorised.
like.
i'm in your empire i treat you better.
that kinda feeling?

and everyone is sad cause of i dont know what stuff is happening.
i just wanna be there for all of you guys.
listen to your problems.
its like i'm always receiving 'you're not in my empire, you wont understand.'
and i got placed aside like that.

everyone is busy.
everyone is fading away.
everyone is gone.

i dont know what i'm talking about.
its like fragments of thoughts are running through my mind.

you and me, are we even friends?
doubt so.

my brain is dead.
got a bloody presentation tml.
suhan go and die.

2009-03-06T20:43:00.001+08:00

currently, i'm alive. its just me, studio and maggie mee.

yeah, hi.

its just to tell you that i'm alive.
barely surving though.

okaybye.

2009-03-04T20:56:00.003+08:00

POST NUMBER THREE HUNDRED!

THINGS TO DO AFTER STUPID P1 AND ADT ENDS.

GO PENISULAR TO SEE AND GET 55i (droooools)
GO HAJILANE FOR SHOPPING
GO FAREAST AND SHOPPPPPPP

OMG. I'M DEPRIVE OF SHOPPING.
ITS HAS BEEN 8932746198237981239 YEARS AGO SINCE I'VE SHOP-ED!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
fuck luhhhh. 3 MORE WEEEEEEKS
hurry up end alreaddddy!

btw, chalet was energy drainning
maybe it was just me.
cause i was choinging work half the night away.
oh wells.

okay, choing work.

2009-03-01T23:42:00.002+08:00

' to the day that i give my all.
i say goodbye and thank you.
i end it with a smile,
and that is my little prayer.'

guess where i get that from?

anime - fruit basket.

its the one and only anime that made my think, reflect and understand others perspective of feelings.

i urge you to watch it too.
no harm done.
its just cartoon.
so since most of you guys reading my blog has already finished exams.
why not take an hour or so.
grap some snacks and watch some cartoon. (:

click! (: enjoy.

2009-02-28T00:09:00.002+08:00

my heart aches. i dont know why.

but its been some time since my heart felt anything.

hello refresh. its time to meet everybody and put up a mask i've used so well.

on a random note: i should start to be more lady-like yeah?

2009-02-26T22:42:00.004+08:00

PROJECT 1 PART 1 IS OVERRRRRRRRRR! (:
and i'll die again on monday.

in the meantime!
hahhaa
lets have some fun!

okay retarded shit.
i so screwed up my presentation today.
we were given 4 mins to explain our design concept and relate it to our concept diagrams.
these diagrams are draw on 8 A3 size papers.

4 mins.
HOW CAN YOU SAY EVERYTHING IN 4 SMALL MINUTES?!
thats totally impossible.

i can tell you i think only 3 people from today's group of presenters managed to compile everything into 4mins.
2 of them. didnt really say much and didnt use much of the architectural terms that was required.
so. yeah.

ALRIGHT.
so there i was freaking out in the morning hoping to get my design brief printed.
but the printing shop doesnt open by 8.45am and we're suppose to report by 8.30am for the pin ups and stuff.

the shedule for the list of people presenting today and tomorrow would only be out at 8.30am
and its at random so you dont really know if you're gonna present today or not.

anywayyyy.
i went up to the studio. grab like 4 of my models (mind you its like 30 by 12 metres in the scale of 1:50) thats like the length of your arm. (yes right up from the wrist to your shoulder!)
can you imagine me lugging 4 of that.

i went down to the space where we were suppose to present.
the list was pasted outside the door.
looked at the list (very very unglamly) with one foot holding the door.
and i sweared.
"SHIT SHIT SHITTTTT! I'M TODAY. WHY TODAY?????"
and my lect was like standing at the door staring at me, she was literally taken aback.

super funny. haahhaha

i smiled at her and quickly went it. (omg this gesture damn idiot right!)

hahahaha okay moving on!
i did my pin ups and arranged by models.
on the list i was the last few to present.
but because every one was freaking out.
we didnt really bother to pin up in sequence.
so again at random.
in the end our lect just started the one closest to her and carried on.

i ended up being the 6th to present.
IS THAT A GOOD OR BAD THING?

i freaked out.
like seriously.......

but oh well.
tried me best.
didnt even understand a single shit i was talking about when i was presenting.
ITS OVER.
SO HAHA.
let me enjoy my weekend and die again on monday.
this time with 2 modules.
i am so going to die.

okay. i'm damn tired.
didnt get to sleep last night.
2 days without sleep.
its not that bad.
but i'm really tired.

SHALLL TURN INNNNN.

GOODNIGHT! (:

2009-02-23T21:54:00.003+08:00

mellissa left for aussie today.
and my cried my eyes out.
i'm gonna miss her.
her presence, her smile and her being there to make the atmosphere better.

i really respect her.
envy her for making such a huge step and fortunate to be her friend.

mel, we must catch up when you get back. (:

slept on the bus on the way home.
i'm damn tired.
i got pin up tml and i haven even draw any of my diagrams yet.
let alone completed my design brief.
ahh well.
just shows how much work you have to do.
and how lazy i've become.
no more sleep tonight.
so used to it.

so yes. and you all know. i'm clinging onto something that will never happen.
am i still clinging?
i guess so.
i thought i let it go already.
but at that point of time. i just seem so busy. and all i could do was to complete my work hopefully in time for tml's lesson.
so i guess that took my mind off things.
but now. with some slacking time on hand.
i guess it just came back.

why?
i have no bloody idea.

its just a feeling so hard to let go.
its like. he was there for me at the lowest part of my life.
and really. there as in mentally and physically.
i couldnt thank him more for just being there.
literally, pick me up. held my hand and guilded me along.
something i thought only friction books will happen.
i didnt wanna believe or depend on it.
but i guess i learn to grew and accept it too.

its like your heart being so broken.
and his time spent on you, healed you, and make you feel better.
something that i cant rip off my heart and say.
'yeah, i'm over him already.'

i just want you to tell me nothing has changed.
you're afraid and you're not ready.
tell me, let me know.
and i'm willing to wait.

for now.
i'm balancing on a thin string.
and i need a steady platform to stand on.

alright, back to work.

oh yeah.
i haven been posting pictures. i'm so so sorry.
but all my pictures are on facebook!
so if you really wanna see go add me okay!
i'll be more than happy to accept you. (:

2009-02-22T22:33:00.002+08:00

helllo.

its been some time since i've blog.
i hope this aint gonna be long.
cause i have a lot of work to do!

and to the fact that i've set time away to do some blogging.
shows pretty much that i'm slacking away.
hurhurrrrr

seriously.
project1 is damn sian
its just doing model and having more ideas being sqeezed out of you.
terrible.

anyhowww. most of the poly people are having exams now.
and after 1 week they are like free birds..
WHILE THE DESIGN PEOPLE ARE STILL SLOGGING THEIR ASSES OUT FOR THE PROJECTS!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i cried in front of my sec school band.
HAHAHHAHA
long story.
i'll blog it out next time if i remember.

okay.
just to tell you guys. i'll be back after march.
cause project1 stretches from feb to march.
i'm gonna be hell busy.
so my blog is gonna be dead for awhile.
GONNA MIA TOO! (:

but i'll be back!
(:

BYEEE

2009-02-15T05:23:00.002+08:00

i'm better.
way much better.

and look at the timmeeee!
its freaking insane to be up at this timing.
but ahh. i was rushing for my work. and i felt sleepy.
so i went to watch a movie.

WILD CHILD.

i know!
i'm damn outdated!
but the movie is like pretty cool.
kinda predictable.
but its really sweet and nice. (:

i've realise.
i can live without a man.
i can be myself and take care of myself.
i dont need mental support from guys when i'm emo-ing in the middle of the night.
i'm stronger than what i think i am.
i have friends to back me up when i need help.

i can choose to look at the bright side of things.
cause from then till now, i've been running away and viewing things on the darker side.
its not healthy. and its not helping.

i wont run.
and i'll face the music.
i'll overcome it.
and maybe do a little flirting.

i wont fall in love.
and i wont depend on it.
its useless and besides.

i've lost my faith in men.

oh!
happy belated valentines day. (:

and happy birthday mom. (:
you're the best. (:

2009-02-09T03:57:00.003+08:00

i'm sorry about the previous post.
i was just. too direct.
i was pissed. and i guess i couldnt help myself.

i've been a bitch.
and i've been clinging onto everyone i know.
i hate it.
and i bet you guys find me disgustingly irritating.
repeating the same old story.
and hopefully someone out there can knock some sense into him.
and maybe into me too.

i'm sorry.

everyday, everynight.
is a torture

i've realised.
i've been deciving myself over and over again.
lying to myself that it'll never happen.
and not to cling any hope on it.
but the thing is.
no matter how hard i try.
its there.
that small glimps of hope that a part of me still holds on.

i'm questioning myself everyday what have gone wrong.
and why this reaction.
i need answers.
but i dont wanna seek.
cause it i do. i'm left with nothing.
and i'll face the rejection that i dont want to.
i cant.
i'll break apart.

i knowww.
you guys must be wondering
'why are you so affected by it? just let go and be happy.'

hell yeah, i wish it could be that easy.
seriously. as much as i wanna be brave and face it and be happy.
i cant.

i cant let go.
i gave up giving up on this feelings.
its something i stubbornly am still holding on.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

so tell me. what to do?

oh yeahhh.
night cycling was fun man.
took damn hell truckloads of pics.
had so much fun
the wind was damn seibei shoick.
and my whole body is achingggggg.
i slept my sunday
and i'm worrying my work like hell.

dammmit.

BRANDON LEE.
ONE MORE NIGHT CYCLING DURING THE HOLS.
ITS A MUST!

2009-02-09T02:14:00.003+08:00

NO FUCK YOU.

I HATE YOU.

GOOD.
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGH TO CARRYING ON GIVING UP.

THANK YOU.

FUCK.
its just me. its not you.

anyway, i'll post up the night cycling pics up later.

2009-02-06T23:25:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna hit 300 posts soon.
this is the 291th one.
(:

MUHAHAHAHHAH!
i'm loyal to blogger mannnn!

okay.
anyway.
just to update you guys.
i was chosen for DPA (direct poly admission) programme along with another 8 more sub-comms.
and 4 other main-comms.
yup.
and i'll have to miss 4 days of classes.

sounds too good to be true right?
you get to skip class! and enjoy yourself!
and get to make new friends!

WRONG.

I DONT WANNA MISS CLASS
I NEED TO ATTEND MY CLASSES
CAUSE IT'S PROJECT ONE.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

i'm damn worried luh..

OKAY!
CARRYING ON!
today was DPA DAY1!
and i saw my group 6 people!!!
lovely bunch of people.
rather quiet.
but cant expect much from them luh.
its just the first day.

its like the entire afternoon was spent walking around school.
talking cock and just explaining the different venues to them
crack some lame jokes.
and everybody keeps calling me bimbo.

I AM NOT A BIMBO!
I'M JUST A LITTLE SLOW. (:

see!
got difference one okay!

i'm disappointed with myself.
its like i didnt give my all.
and give my best.
but farhan said it just the first day.
so dont expect too much from them.
they are afterall still secondary school kids.
and coming to poly is a total different experience for them
and yeah, gotta agree.

BUT!
HIMBO AND BIMBO IS GONNA BOOM BOOM BOOM ALL THE WAY MANNNN! (:
(okay, inside joke. HAHA!)

i think my group is fun.
(:

okay random.

TML I'M GONNA BE DAMN SEBEI BUSY!

got prog outing, got fyrhto outing and got night cycling!
but, i'm not going for all.
okay maybe night cycling.
cause i'm gonna dedicate my whole saturday to my P1!
gonna go back to school and do model! and do sketches!
OH!
Rachna thinks that my group sketches are the best among the rest of the groups and its the most proportionate one.
YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT MADE MY DAYYYYY! :D
cause i did all the sketches.
HAHAHAH! (:

okay, almost all. (:

anyhowwww,
hopefully i can go for fyrhto outing.
i miss fyrhto. ):
AND I REALLY WANNA GO!

okay. i'm damn tired already.
gonna sleep and wake up early to go school! (:

goodnight guys!

2009-02-04T00:43:00.005+08:00

HELLLLLO!

i'm feeling so so so so so much better!

thank you all for all your encouragement, love, advices, hugs, tears, more hugs, and just being there for me.

i really really appreciate each and every one of you.

i should name names huh..

NAHHHH. you know who you are!

and i know who you are! (:

these few days has been seriously. drainning.

i just finish auto cad! YAY!

as you can see on the very very very top of this post!

i'll blog happy stuff from now on! (:

soooo. what did i do today.

just submitted auto cad.

this mth and next got PROJECT1.

OMGGG the most major one in my whole year1.

gonna dieeeeee.

got to work hard already

i cant afford my gpa to drop. ):

i got work to do still.

but i kinda feel like blogging.

not sure if this blog still has blog readers though.

oh mann. i really cant thank you guys enough.

i'm like reflecting.

shawn low and mich!

you guys are the best seriously.

always always there for me.

i feel much better.

letting it go.

is so much better.

i got new friendships bonded closer than ever.

and its seriously more than i can ever asked for.

and i thought this day would never come. (:

oh okay! i'm suppose to talk about my day.

after sumitting it was already 4pm.

i didnt eat the whole day. but i didnt really feel hungry anyway.

went to the booth and saw them packing up.

waited for them and went back to lounge.

then....i guess thats when all the running around happened.

hhaha

i dunno.

played ungame!

then the business people said that they wanted to go for interview.

so me and yufei followed them.

and we self proclaimed ourselves as true blue business students! ahhaha!

then we went for ice cream and milk tea.

walked back to lounge. slacked.

and went for dinner! (:

dinner was funny.

but i was really tired.

nonetheless really did enjoyed myself.

life seem much more carefree now.

i better cherish this freedom before the second month of p1 starts.

i think by then i'll be like mia-ing.

busy busy!

so many things on!

i'm gonna live life to the fullest. (:

2009-02-01T01:28:00.002+08:00

isnt it better to know that you're being loved by your family even though they're not close
or have passed on
or doesnt show it but you know it.

rather than having them there. and abandon you?

i know i'm not the worse person on earth with my current situation.
and living like this day by day aint gonna help.

i know thinking about it is gonna kill me.

i know i should pull myself together.

and i know i shouldnt whine.

but i've haven learn to accept this.

so just give me time.

and thank you for your concern. everyone.
thanks alot.

2009-01-29T01:48:00.002+08:00

this is. just my feelings.

i cant think of anybody to pour this to.
i dont know who.
and my mind is blank.

i'm currently rushing for my auto cad work.
its due this friday and i'm freaking out.
cause i'm struggling here and there.

and. i'm planning not to sleep tonight.
i dont even think i can sleep tonight.

mom broke the news to me and bro.
its confirm.
my dad has an affair outside.
overseas.
China.

and my mom has been suspecting him for the past 2 years.
and now, she said it was confirm.
not that my dad confessed.
it was more like proof being laid on the table.
i dont know.

i feel.
betrayed.

i feel so lost.
i dont see the need to cry.
i dont think this is worth crying.
but i'm holding my tears back so badly.

i wanna feel angry
i wanna be so mad at him.
and show him what a terrible father he has been.
but i cant. cause all the good memories just flows back.

like. when we had all our father and daughter moments.

i've realised. that before this,
mom brought this topic up once of twice in the past year.
but i just brush it aside. and didnt wanna believe it.

but now.
i finally realise what it meant.
what it meant by saying 'your family is breaking apart.'

its. this small sharp pain stinging you from the most raw part of your heart
its different.
its just makes you feel all numb and weak.
and it just keeps coming back.

i dont feel any better typing it down.
instead i feel worse.
usually i'll be fine just right after blogging.
but i dont.

bernita, just concentrate on your work.
your father is nothing more than a loser.

2009-01-29T01:10:00.001+08:00

i've offically lost my faith in men.

no, i'm not turning les.

i just lost my faith in them.

2009-01-22T02:46:00.002+08:00

omg. auto cad.
i hate you.

stupid layering

stupid lineweight.

stupid mouse.

only make my eye go cock.

GO DIEEE
GO DIEEEEE!

fuck.

2009-01-19T03:48:00.005+08:00

i got tagggggggggggggggged by persie.
and i'm doing it at 3.48am
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
and i have 12pm class later.
ONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG (:

1. Pick a word that begins with the first letter of your name.
BIAS.

2. Who are you missing right now?
ehh. no one?

3. Your ex shows up randomly at your house , what do you say?
'wth are you doing here?'

4. How many bedrooms are in your house?
3.

5. Is there a reason for your profile song?
bo song eh.

6. Do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
last girl.... NO. i love all my girlfriends! (:

7. Who was your last text message from?
FATHINNNN! (: he wants me to sleep. haha

8. What time did you wake up this morning?
3pm. HAHA

9. If someone liked you right now , would you want them to tell you?
i dont know, depends who isst i guess. hurrr.

10. Did you mean it when you said "i love you" last?
YES!

11. Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
YEP. hahaa.

12. What is wrong with you now?
i'm sick and i'm suffering from insomia!!!!!

13. Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
eh. guess so. haha.

14. Would you kiss someone to make your ex bf/gf mad?
nah, a childish act.

15. Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
YEP. of course can luhh. its all up to the person.

16. Do you use T9 , word or abc?
huh?

17. Do you tell your mum everything?
my mom knows i'm a player. HAHAHHA.

18. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
person? gideon. (: my brother in tpsu!

19. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
GOT! (:

20.Who can you trust?
everybody. (:

Quiz 2.
1. Besides Your Lips, Where Is Your Favourite Spot To Get Kissed?
forehead.

2. How Did You Feel When You Woke Up This Morning?
goggy. lol is there such a word?

3. Who Was The Last Person You Took A Picture Of?
i forgotttttttttttttttttt.

4. Would You Consider Yourself To Be Spoiled?
HAHA. YES.

5. Would You Ever Donate Blood?
yeah, i would. when my lazy ass will move.

6. Have You Ever Had A Best Friend Who Was Of The Opposite Sex?
YEP. my ex. (:

7. Do You Want Someone Dead?
for what?

8. What Does Your Last Text Message Says?
'Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)
Bernita! Go sleep luh! :-)'
fathin is mad right? lol

9. What Are You Thinking Right Now?
how many hours i'm left with my sleep. ):

10. Do You Wish Someone Was With You Right Now?
nope.

11. What Time Did You Go To Sleep Last Night?
4am

12. Where Did You Buy The Shirt You're Wearing Now?
omg... eh. i dont know, it belonged to my bro.

13. Is Someone On Your Mind Right Now?
nope.

14. Who Was The Last Person To Text You?
FATHIN.

The 9 people you just tagged:
1. EMILLA
2. ALEX HO
3. DOROTHY
4. LEESHEN
5. NAT
6. SABRINA
7. PAIGE
8. PEISHAN
9. PERSIE. HAHAHHAHA

15.Who Is The Number 2 Having A Relationship With?
No one.

16. Is 3 A Male Or A Female?
FEMALEEE

17. What Is Number 1 Studying About?
eh. shit i dunno lea..

18. When Was The Last Time You Had A Chat With Them?
omg. skip.

19.Is Number 4 Single?
HAHAA. i think so. should be.

20.Say Something About Number 2.
eh. i love him? haha (:

21. What Do You Think About Number 3 And 6 Being Together?
HAHAH LES!

22. Describe Number 9.
omg, she is the person that tagged me. she is plain retarded luh please lol
MY FIRST TRUE FRIEND IN TP! YAY!

23. What Will You Do If Number 6 And 7 Fights?
i think i'll just cry.

Quiz 3.
1. What’s your nickname?
bird.

2. How old are you?
17

3. When’s your birthday?
11 dec. omg. my driving lience.

4. What’s your special skill?
hahahha! reminds me of POKEMON!

5. What’s your horoscope?
sattgitarise (i cant spell for nuts.)

6. Who pass this survey to you?
persie yang

7. She’s your….?
my everything luh. lol

8. What you wanna talk to him/her?
eh, persie, when are we drinking soup?

9. What you think about him/her?
i dont know. i just like being around her. (:

10. When you know him/her?
FOC! (:

11. How’s her attitude?
HAHAHA. i dont know. she is funny, and sparstic and retarded.

12.Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope

13. If one day , your lover tell you that he/she loves you too , how will you do?
ditto.

14. Are you well-being now?haha YES

15. Why god give you courage?
to face all fears,and be ready to stand up for him.

16. Who’s the people that you like?
My family, my friends.

17.Which colour do you like the most?
RAINBOWWW.

18. God give you 4 wishes:
1st: To have faith in the walk with Him, thank him wholeheartedly.
2nd: Do well in my studies and glorify him with it, by going overseas,NUS or work!
3rd; Have a blessed big family now and forever.
4th: To be a great example for everyone around me

haha thanks persie.

19. Do you like to smile and laugh ?
yeep. (:

OMG. I'M DONE. I'M GOING TO BED.
GOODNIGHT! (:

2009-01-19T02:23:00.002+08:00

i feel like blogginggggg.

but i dont really know what to blog about.
well!

for once cny is comin!
so...... hur hur.
i'm gonna receive many many angbaos!
then again.
mom says there is the recession.
soooo. maybe more people will give 2 bucks instead of 4.

i pout my lips at her.
hahahhaa

i wanna go shopping for cny clothes.
but i'm broke.
):

EH.
okay random.
DADra IS SERIOUSLY COOOOOOOL. (:
i dont know. its freaking difficult to remember the steps.
kinda like photoshop.
and there are layers too.
just that its much more complicate.
yuck yuck yuck

but the end result is so so so so so so so coooooooooool!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(:

i'll show you guys my end result okay!
when i'm done with the major assignment.
promise promise!
(:

i'm pretty much back to myself now.
i'm kinda slacking.
sleeping. and just watching teevee.
emo-ing here and there.
and been doing soul searching.
trying to put myself in others shoes but i guess i kinda fail.
trying to figure out what kind of people they are.

oh!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN CHENGGG! (:
i'm so sorry that me and fathin cant be there at your chalet.
even though we did!
we traveled for like 1 hour okay!
and we walked for like another hour.
and in the end we just decided to back out last minute.
cause its kinda pointless to be there at your chalet for 30 mins.
lol

SORRY BEN!
but we wrote a card for you!
soooooo. either fathin or i will pass it to you. (:

okays!

lets hop into another topic.
hmmm
i wanna see all my rawkers in tp. (:
and lets have another outing soon.
so random right!

okay wait.

i have something to say about the o level results.
realised some of my rawkers has approached me for help.
and i'm dumb enough to give them only the surface information and not getting into detail to help them further.

bernita, you idiot..

anyway.
whatever your results maybe, DONT GIVE UP.
strive for what you want.
what you lust for.
what you dream of.
do what your heart tells you to.
no matter how good or bad the results is.
you know you tried your best, (or maybe you didnt)

but ah heck.
whats done has been done.
now the more important thing is so secure a place in the desired course you dream of.
or secure in any other course that you dont mind going.

i dont know.
i feel so worried now for all of you guys.
please please approach me once more for help.
i'll try my best this time.
i wanna be there for all of you.
cause i know how sucky it feels when you see your close friends getting such freaking hell good results and earning the points that is enough to get into the course they want.

while you barely made it.
and to think that you wanted to go into the same school as them.
i dont want any of you guys to go through what i've been through.
i've been such a lousy pl.
ARGH.

i love all of you guys okay.
i wanna be there for you.

2009-01-15T23:18:00.002+08:00

random.

i wanna go kbox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and singgggggggggggggggggggggg

cause my throat ichy.
and my nose is leaking.

oh yeah!! speaking of which.

this is funny.

me: omggg, amanda! i got running nose! ARGHHHHHH
amanda: then tape it down!

SILENCE.

me: OH! OH! TAPE IT DOWN. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

no, serious shit, i was freaking slow even i scare myself.
i blame my dead brain.

2009-01-15T23:02:00.002+08:00

hello!!!!!!
okay. its been seibei long since my last post.

anyhow!
my new year resalutions!
or however you spell it.

yeah, i still suck much in spelling.

okay.

starting afresh,
take more photos.
be myself.
have fun.
and never to fall in love.
and i'm closing myself up. (:

yay!
this shall be the last last last emo post.
or if it turns out to be emo luh.
no more post on love.
or whatever shit.

ohh, and impove spelling.

and to start off the new year.
i'm currently sick.
flu and cough.
wthhhh.
got it from mother.
i'm like sufferingggggggggggggg.

heck luh. body should be strong enough to cure myself.

okay!
i shall go watch teeveeee. (:

2009-01-11T00:22:00.002+08:00

open house was a blast! (:

i love tp.
i'm dead tired.
jam and hop looked fun. couldnt dance like some mad woman. ):
and. yeah

i'm shag.

and..

fuck it. i'm gonna give up.
its fucking terrible response from you.
as good as not talking to each other anymore.
cause its just so difficult to talk to you.
you DONT CARE anyway.

not gonna bother, not gonna care.

i'm just gonna bury this feeling and never dig it up again.

stupid boy.

2009-01-07T02:25:00.004+08:00

its been in me for slightly more than a month.
my heart felt feelings.
and i'll just pour it out all here.

so seriously. whats happening to me?
my two modules now are currenting model making and autocad(DADra)
its good actually.
i'm actually looking forward to it.
and model making is actually a pid course.
i didnt even know that.
and i gotta wear shoes from tml onwards.
thats the only thing i dread everyday. haha

i'm dead tired now.
mainly cause i'm not used to the timetable yet.
and i'm always sleeping during DADra. cause its so damn dry.
but its important and essencial.
gotta start buying sweets.
and pay attention.

okay. thats one.

second would be the up coming activites.
open house.
tpsu.
zetten outings.
doc.
fo
and yeah. the list just goes on.
naming it out is like thinking another list of things that are needed to be done by a certain deadline. of which i cannot catch up anymore...
gotta start updating my brain.

its fun. yes. but its gonna drain all my energy and thats what i'm worried off i guess.

and lastly.
you.

you are seriously. driving me crazy.
close friends knows.
you dont. (i hope)

its like. we used to be so close and click so well.
but now. its so sudden.
you just end everything.
the smses, the msn. the calls.
everything.
its like telling me i've been a bad friend and you want to end it.
or you're avoiding me or something.
i dont know.
i cant read your mind.
but the fact that you're making me think stupid stuff is way enough.
and i hate it.
cause you make me think so much.
and i do admit that i think too much.
but its not like i want right....

half of me tells me to give up.
the other half says no. persevere and you wont regret.

grace ooi.
now i know whats its like waiting for someone that you have no idea of what the end result maybe.
its terrible.
its like you're walking this long long pathway.
and you have no idea what the end result maybe.
but as you carry on this anticipation. it grows on to you. and your burden gets heavier.
at the end of the road.
you either break down so terribly that you have no idea how your heart is gonna handle.
or you give up half way and just cry now.
but then again, when you do give up half way.
and after some time when you've found out the truth.
AND. its that kinda truth that you have dream of.
you cry like shit.

okay. i'm talking rubbish.
and i dont even know if i make sense or not.

but either way.
you cry badly.
your heart will hurt.
and you'll just cry.
nothing much to be done. but just cry

everyday i think of you.
every hour, every min, every second.
but you dont see it.
and thats what hurts.
and thats what makes me feel so demoralised.
thats the half that is constantly haunting me to give up.
cause its so tiring to hope for something that you're so unsure of.

everyday it grows.
everyday i hope.
everyday i just wanna talk to you more.
but its so difficult.
and i'm losing my way.
i dont know what to do now. seriously.
all i know is that i'm being really foolish to let such childish emotions to take over me.
and my poor brain.

what are you doing to me.
i have nothing to give except my love and company.
i'm stripped down to nothing.
and i'm still picking up the pieces in my life.

i gotta be strong.
i gotta stay strong.

stay focus bernita.

2009-01-04T05:46:00.003+08:00

okay okay.

everybody is doing it.
the 2008 review.

and i'll do it too!
lets see...
2008 has been great.
seriously. on the whole

coming into poly, coming into tp.
a whole different perspective.
getting to know new people, different people.
i've learnt so much from just knowing them.

i've become more opened, more vauglar, more foolish
made friends, lost friends. have been a bitch
been a lover, been in love. had crushes.
had many many eyecandies.
hahahhaa

and. friends that i thought i would never find in tp.
and i thought coming into tp would be like the worse thing that could ever happened to me.
since it was my third choice, naturally i wouldnt be looking forward to the first day of school.

but, i'm glad.
really. signing up for fo, being a freshie, going for doc, being crazy. going for interviews. and being involved in camps.

going into SU would be the major thing in life.
knowing more friends there.
falling in love, being in a relationship. and getting out of it again.
it has seriously been a roller coaster ride.

i used to think that love was cruel.
and it'll crush your heart.
and when i was being fooled by it again, with my heart being crushed.
i realise it was really pretty much okay.
you'll learn from it eventually.
pick yourself up, and continue with your life.
right now...
i'm feeling loved.
loved by all my friends
esp daosuan, fyrhto, frenzer, lucan, zetten.
people in SU
people in DOC
and people in the current prog for doc.
omg. i love all of you guys.
seriously, from the bottom of my heart.
the best friends you can even get.

oh!! and not forgetting that i fell down.
hahaha that was seriously the main highlight for this year.

and sadly, knowing all the lovely people that would leave Singapore and be just a little further away from home.

i didnt tell you guys this, and i'll tell you now.
mr tan, my conductor is leaving for the US, soon. to continue his studies. for 3 years.
after the whole celebration and tribute. i went home with alison, my senior.
we talked on the bus stop.
and she mention that she was also leaving sg in a mth's time.
to further her studies.
at that point of time.
did i ever just realise.
that everyone is moving on with their lives.
either to improve them, or just enjoy it.
nothing seems to be holding them back.
they seem so strong. and there was so much faith in them.

and i just learnt that mellissa is also leaving sg soon.
DAMN YOUUUU!
i'm gonna miss you okay!!!!!
and you taught me how not to fall in love, while i taught you how to!
now, thats way cool!
hahahaha
yes dearie!
i'll have my share of fun in TP.

friends come and go,
friends are there for you.
friends are your pillar of support.
friends knows you better than your parents.
friends are what keeps you going.
friends are there for you to gossip, to bitch, to vent your anger on, to go crazy with.
friends are hard to find.

but theres something i would like to touch on.
friends may mold you for what you are.
friends may betray you.
friends may leave you, abandon you, treat you terribly.
but sincerly, its up to you,
up to you to forgive them
to trust them again.
to change your own views of them.
and to be nice to them no matter what they've done to you.

thats what i believe.

i may have been betrayed, but its up to me if i wanna be nice to them again.
and i choose to be.
cause i know that would be the right way.

now, i wont wanna create more conflict would i?
so why not change?
change for the better.

change to accept everything that comes my way.
change....
change, to learn to let go.

be yourself bernita.
you know whats best for yourself.
and you know what to do.

well, i guess thats pretty much about my review.
hahhaa
lets end with a retarded pic. (:

hahaha! dont get nightmares okay! (:

2009-01-02T00:48:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYSSSS! (:

video link as promised! (:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/video/video.php?v=49089322750

i hope it works...

(:

2008-12-30T21:14:00.046+08:00

HELLO!!! today was AWESOMMMEEEE!

and a very heart aching day.

went back to sec school to give my conductor, Mr Tan the final tribute before he leaves for US for his 3 year study.

i'm gonna miss him.

so i reached school around 3 plus. (over slept, yet again. hurr)
saw my seniors and juniors. and shortly after we were told to stand outside of the band room at the corridoor area to wait while the main band plays their tribute to him.

next wouldbe us! the alumni band! (:
and we went in, settled down and started playing.
mr tan nose and eyes were pink.
he was crying.

and literially, my heart just ache.
seeing him for 4 years straight in sec school, he was the reason why i believed in music.
and why i'm willing to spent so much time and effort in it.
and i cant believe he is leaving for the US.

omgg... the flashbacks.

after playing the pieces the whole many generations of band headed down to the performing arts space, where we watched the vid that the seniors had prepared.
it was 20 mins long.
but it felt like it was just 10 mins.
the memories that was treasured for the pass 9 years.
all in one vid, in 20mins. amazing.
i'll post up the link for you guys to watch okay!

next was the speech made by different batches of students. and when it reached my senior's and my batch, i cried.

i tried so so hard not to cry, but i did.
i just cant believe that he is leaving...

we took pictures, we exchanged hugs.

it was so difficult to leave.

alright. PICTURE TIME. :D

thank you Mr Tan, you're the best conductor i can ever asked for.
to be under your baton is such a honour.
you taught me so much. much more than i've ever expected.
you gave me opportunities that i thought i couldnt handle.
you were always with me to make things better.
you assured me every time there was a bad situation.
and when we received the results for the last sfy, i cried my hearts out.
although we have disappoint you, you never did blame us, instead you held back your tears and congraulated us.
for our hard work, for the time spent.
you were always there, through thick and thin.

you're the best!
all the best in your studies,
and yes, the band is in good hands. (:

i'm gonna miss you.

and you're on wiki! how cool is that! (:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonard_Tan

'music is not about playing the right notes, music is inbetween the notes.' - Leonard Tan.

2008-12-29T01:21:00.009+08:00

i fell down.

east coast, roller blading. held the back of the bike, fell sideway.

yeah. pretty much like that.
i feel pretty grossed out myself posting all my wounds on the internet.
but heck it.

you live life just this once.
and carry these stupid scars.

so, here goes.

stratches on my right arms..
my pinky is swollen, i have no idea why.disgusting scratches on my knees.

and the white stuff is actually the cream., the pink part is my flesh. yuckkkkkkk.

okay, nobody cares. fuck it. and i think my knee is gonna rot, the surrounding is turning black.

i've lost everything. i can no longer be that strong person i used to be. and everyone is just ignoring me. whats life about when you're at the edge and nobody cares? i'm just someone being used by others.

i gave up trying, cause no matter what i do, its useless. i belong nowhere.

2008-12-27T02:04:00.001+08:00

break my heart.
break it into millions of pieces.

and watch me die.

yes, that would be good.

screw love.
i hate it.

2008-12-24T19:37:00.002+08:00

its christmas eve!!!!!

gets those gifts and do your last min shopping! (:

i gonna spent christmas with my family.
gonna love it.
gonna enjoy myself.

so! guys! hope you enjoy yourselves this chrismas!
lots of love and fun and joy.
and the weather is cold!
so wear more layers okay? (:

i love christmas.
favouriate time of the year. (:

and all i want for christmas, is you. (:

2008-12-22T02:38:00.003+08:00

back from camp

i must say.
its not as bad as i thought it would be.
we did bond.
but personally not the whole empire did bond together.

i'm pissed right now.
at my brother for being such a selfish idiot for not letting me print.
that fucker.

and i've been doing the blog for like i think more than 4 hours.
the skin is still screwed.
i shall not tell you guys the link yet.
cause its screwed.

i got camp tml.
okay. by right, its today
and i haven pack yet.
and i'm just too lazy to pack.

my eyes are dying.
and closing soon.

my eyebrows are frowning.
i dont know why.
maybe cause i'm just pissed.

but better now.

okay. about camp.
seriously.
the first time i saw it.
it was practically two major cliques of people coming together.
and it was those one end clique and the other end clique of people coming together.
or so, that was what i was thinking luh
i didnt really care really.
cause i gave up caring and trying to take the first move to make things better.
i want to.
but i really dont know what to say.

i really feel like bitching like hell here.
but i cant.

we did not trash it out on monday night.
we didnt even hit into the cream on the problem.
it was just barely brushing the dusts on top.

i want the empire to bond.
cause it has the potential
we have damn zai people inside.
confirm can beat one.

i did say that unity is our strength.
thats because it is our strength.
there is a prominent thin line between unity and bond.
unity is when we're very close, we all want the best for the empire, yet nothing is being shown.
each one of us has a desire inside, and a common goal, which is being the best empire.

bond is when, physically and mentally, its the same thing.
everyone is equal, everyone is willing to go that extra mile, everyone is willing to show off and show out.

and i realise this through the station games.
when we spilt. its obvious that we're doing our best and each one of us is chipping in.
and when we're together again,
half the empire gets shy and isnt dare to stand up anymore.
because of that, no one dares to take the first move in starting something.
how do i know?
look at the points we were awarded during the first and second day
and look at the things we do when we were together.
other empires were cheering.
i could literally feel the whole empire ready to cheer, wanting to cheer, dying to show off
just that.
who is going to lead?
and more importantly.
what to cheer?

ideas were being brought up. cheers were made. homework was done.

but it was not appreciated.
it was just brushed away.

thats why
thats what i think.
and dont get me started.
i haven even touched on the main topic and the main problem.

this is just a very vauge overall view on our empire.

i love zetten.
i really do.
but its not showing its full pontentical.
and i know why.
but can i voice out?
can i literally go straight to the point and not hurt anyone's feelings?
think about it.

its the truth.
and i'm merely saying the truth.
or maybe, i'm merely just saying how i feel and my views.

i foresee rubbish being tag on my tagboard.
and before you do.
think about what you're gonna tag.

go zetten.
you're much more than what you are.

2008-12-17T03:58:00.000+08:00

i goggled 'bernita'.
and guess what

Meaning: Its source is Berenike, a Greek name meaning "Bringer of victory."

Popularity: The name Bernita ranked 1506th in popularity for females of all ages in a sample of the 1990 US Census.

Though this name has fluctuated in use, it has been quietly present throughout the last century.

Narrative: Both this name and the name Veronica are derived from the same source, which features a reference to Nike, the Greek goddess of victory.

The famous sculpture Nike of Samothrace (housed in the Louvre in Paris) captures the feelings of the ancient Hellenic people toward this goddess, without whose triumphant blessing they could never hope to live securely among the constantly warring city-states of the Greek peninsula.

COOL SHIT! (:
i'm a "Bringer of victory."

HAHA.

2008-12-16T23:28:00.068+08:00

i'm backkkk!

okay.
this time. its really really random.
just random pics. (:

cause i haven been showing you guys my pics.
some are really seriously overdue.
some are quite recent. (:

ENJOY!!!!

OH! and i did keep my promise okay! my two art works are there!!! (:

persie and i (:daosuans! (:daosuans! (:really old pic! kristen, me and alison! (: (when i had my bangs! (: )i love recycled bins! dont you?HK!me and mom in some hk cafe. (:MY DREAM BAG. omg i saw it in hk. it cost like sg$500 plus plus. ):HK! damn niceeee.randommmmm. (:i really like this pic. its like. my little own jungle. hurr. (:persie and i!us again! going high! (:i kinda like this pic. makes you think. okay, makes me think. chavonnnn! (:me and mom. (:FAMILY! (:me and cousin sarah! (:CAMEWHOREEEEE (:after dinner at busstop! (: DINNERRR! (:TPSU family pic! (:FRANZERRR! (:me and persieeee! we look alike right?? (:TPRAWKS! (:3d art fun final project. (:drawing essencials final piece. (: its a2 okay. freaking wasted half my life rendering it.

OKAY!

THE END. (:

2008-12-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

despite the fact that i'm really kinda sort of, tired.

i shall blog.

readers!
be proud of me! (:

okay. so what happened today?

eh.
shopping!
now. window shopping!
and dinner at chomp chomp!

dinner was damn goooood mannnn!!!!!!!
HAHA. lets make a lovely list.
carrot cake (both black and white)
BBQ STINGRAY!
chao kway tiao
crispy chicken wings
BBQ STINGRAY!
grass jelly drink
hokkien mee
BBQ STINGRAY!
and
BBQ STINGRAY!

my craving is offically settled man.
i'm so going back there again.
then slacked and stuff.
and went back home.
OMG i should tell you guys.

took 147 from serangoon.
i was damnnnnnn pissed.
cause there was two indian man seating opposite me.
THEY WERE PRACTICALLY STARING AT MY CLEAVAGE.
i was damn pissed.
i literally turned my head.
and stared straight in his eyes.
and he looked away.

but after awhile he just kept staring at it again.
i stared at him again.
OMG!. damn asshole
he stare back at me.
for like at least 5 secs okay.
and i just looked away.

ARGH! PISSING!

just now walking home.
it was like the most scariest walks home.

it wa slike 12.30am already. and i was still at peace centre there.
i needed to take one more bus back home.
and when i walked, from national library to another bus stop.
it was kinda long.
and my mom was one the phone scolding me
about some family problem stuff.
say i treat home like hotel
i go out so early and i come back so late.
and my mom cant see me.
and that i cant stay at home for more than 8 hours.
omgggg.

you had no idea how pissed i was okay.
i wanted to talk back.
'hello woman! for your information i was at home on sunday for the WHOLE FRIGGIN DAY OKAY. SO DONT ANYHOW SAY I NEVER STAY AT HOME.'
but of course i didnt say that luh.
my mother lea.
i just kept quiet.

okay. anyway.
when i reached the bus stop, the bus came.
and i was feeling damn relief!

and since it was like really late already, i decided to walk to short cut way home.
that would be a really dark lane home to cut across.
cause on normal days i would walk through the MRT.
but since its like 12.35am plus already, station obviously closed right??
quite pointless.
so i just took the short cut route.

BAD IDEA.

i was like walking and stuff.
and i was like brisk walking damn fast.
damn scared
cause half way through there were two indian man sitting down at some corner.
this really built tall man was walking towards me.
he was like at least 2 metres away.
and he was holding something shiny in his hand.
i freaked out.
you could tell that he was really built by just his silhouette

i stopped my tracks immediately.
crossed the road.
and just continued walking.
he did the same thing.

i was like 'fuck shit fuck fuck fuck.'

a few more indians were just staring at me like nobody's business.
i just walk.
just keep walking.

i was practically shaking by then.
fumbled for me hp. and called farhan.
he picked up. and i said.
'farhan, just talk to me.'
farhan said 'oh okay, why? what happened?'
'just talk to me okay? cause some asshole is following me.'
'huh? are you serious?'
'yeah, just... just talk to me okay?'

and i was like tearing already.
i didnt know what to do.
i've never felt so insecure and vunerable ever.

thank God, he went away after some time.
when i was reaching my neighbourhood, i lost track of him.
and just continued talking to farhan.

and. yeah. i got home.

but i swear.
it was damn frigging scary..

2008-12-14T22:19:00.003+08:00

so many things to say.
but i dont know where to start
but i'm pretty much stablised.

birthday was a blast.
i enjoyed myself so much
or so i think
but the people there was good enough
the present can never be better.

so. yup i enjoyed myself. (:

yeah.. okay. yeah. (:

enjoy your hoildays guys. (: